LaFountaine

“House of Wax” Movie

Yesterday I saw the movie “House of Wax”, which starred: Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Paris Hilton, Jared Padalecki and Jon Abrahams.

The movie story involved the following: “Twins Carly and Nick Jones (played by Cuthbert and One Tree Hill heartthrob Chad Michael Murray)--with Carly being the pretty, goal-oriented ''good'' twin and Nick the sullen, brooding ''bad'' one-- are road tripping to catch the big college game. Along for the ride are Carly's beau Wade (Gilmore Girls' Jared Padelecki), mini-cam-obsessed Dalton (Jon Abrahams), sports fan Blake (Robert Ri'chard) and his maybe-preggers girlfriend Paige (Paris Hilton, in her first major acting role--unless you count certain portions of her infamous sex video). The requisite car trouble ultimately leads them to a requisitely isolated Iowa town where they must seek help from the requisitely creepy locals. Dominating the town is the House of Wax, a paraffin-filled museum which doesn't just feature amazing wax likenesses of people and objects: the whole place is made out of wax, walls and all. This despite being constructed over a fiery furnace used for……well, these films aren't about logic, are they? Throw in the requisite twisted, menacing, blood-lusting boogeyman--but wait! Let's have TWO bad guys! And make them twins! (Did I mention the script was written by Chad and Carey Hayes, who happen to be twin brothers?) Cut to the running and the chasing and the cinematic carnage, the corpses turned into those impossibly lifelike wax figurines, the curvy Cuthbert in a white tank top and the impossibly big, drippy finale and call it a day. This is just a messy pile of waxy build-up that'll take an extra-long Q-Tip to clean out of your brain.”

I give this movie a “C+”, and it is the worth of an admission ticket, a small popcorn and a small soft drink. The movie had plenty of action, but the director saved his money for the movie’s finale. The film’s beginning was slow and not scary.

posted by Frank LaFountaine @ 6:03 AM